well i managed to get through today and have my scan, my shoulder is painful but hopefully I will be able to get it sorted soon. Last night I was going to look through your photos because I don't want you to think that just because i don't look in your memory box every day that I have forgotten what you look like because I see you every morning I wake up and all through the day. I have decided to get a beautiful frame for your hand and footprints and going to put it in my hall along with your scan photos, I dont want the whole world to see your photo as your sisters haven't yet and its a private thing but I know you will understand that. I can't believe it has nearly been a year since I seen the two blue lines on the pregnancy test and couldn't believe it when I knew I was having a boy. To me it wouldn't have mattered either way what sex you were as we had already began bonding. My three kids you, Megan and Caitlin are all that matter to me every day and although I pretend to be happy inside my heart is breaking without you, I so wish you could be here with me right now but I know in spirit you are. I thought of going into counselling but they don't really understand how much you meant to me and I wouldn't feel any other way about my kids. I will always love you no matter whether I have more brothers or sisters for you or whether its just me, megan and caitlin. I am proud of have carried you for those 38 weeks and 3 days and if i could turn back the clock all I would change is the end result. Well you be good for Gran Rose and tell her one day I will be there to take over and give you the biggest hug ever. Sleep tight my little baby boy and make sure you wrap up warm in your blanket at night time x x x x Love you